《Good Advice(LP版)》歌词

[00:00:01] Good Advice - Allan Sherman

[00:00:10] I know a man named Otis who invented a room

[00:00:14] And his heart was filled with pride

[00:00:17] I said to Mr Otis ＂What does your room do ＂

[00:00:21] He said ＂It goes from side to side ＂

[00:00:25] So I said ＂Mr Otis if you take my advice

[00:00:28] You'll be the richest man in town

[00:00:31] You gotta take that room that goes from side to side

[00:00:35] And make it go up and down ＂

[00:00:38] And that was good advice good advice

[00:00:43] Good advice costs nothing and it＇s worth the price

[00:00:46] I sincerely doubt

[00:00:48] That the world could do without

[00:00:49] My good advice

[00:00:57] Sir Isaac Newton came around to my house one day

[00:01:00] His face was all sunburned and red

[00:01:04] He said he didn't want to sleep in the shade of a tree

[00:01:07] Because an apple might fall on his head

[00:01:11] I said ＂Sir Isaac you dumbbell take my advice

[00:01:15] Go right back there and sleep beneath that tree

[00:01:18] And if you let that rotten apple fall down on your head

[00:01:22] Why you'll discover gravity ＂

[00:01:26] And that was good advice good advice

[00:01:30] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price

[00:01:33] The world's a better place

[00:01:35] Since I gave the human race

[00:01:37] My good advice

[00:01:44] A man named Mr Waterman invented a tube

[00:01:47] He was sad because it sprung a little leak

[00:01:51] He said ＂Darn it when I hold my tube on a piece of paper

[00:01:55] The ink leaks out and makes a little streak ＂

[00:01:59] He said ＂I've gotta find a way to stop that leak

[00:02:02] I'll start working on my leakproof tube again ＂

[00:02:05] I said ＂Waterman you idiot don't stop that leak

[00:02:09] You just invented a fountain pen ＂

[00:02:13] And that was good advice good advice

[00:02:17] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price

[00:02:21] I'm so worldly wise

[00:02:22] I should get the Nobel Prize

[00:02:24] For good advice

[00:02:32] Good old Henry Ford he was a hardworking man

[00:02:35] He worked all night and all day

[00:02:38] I said ＂Henry watcha doing ＂

[00:02:40] And Henry he said ＂I'm inventing the Chevrolet ＂

[00:02:46] He said ＂I've already built twenty-five models

[00:02:50] One for each letter from A to Z ＂

[00:02:53] I said ＂Henry you fool there are twenty-six letters in the alphabet

[00:02:57] He said ＂Good heavens I forgot the Model T ＂

[00:03:00] And that was good advice good advice

[00:03:05] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price

[00:03:08] It's fruitful as can be

[00:03:10] And it's absolutely free

[00:03:12] My good advice

[00:03:19] Wilbur and Orville were two brothers named Wright

[00:03:22] The nicest pair of kids you've ever seen

[00:03:26] They worked twelve years on a secret project

[00:03:29] They thought it was a washing machine

[00:03:33] I said ＂Fellas what are all those wings for ＂

[00:03:37] They said ＂For hanging clothes out to dry ＂

[00:03:40] I said ＂You fools take that washing machine out to Kitty Hawk

[00:03:44] And see if the darn thing all fly ＂

[00:03:48] And that was good advice good advice

[00:03:52] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price

[00:03:56] I'm so smart that I'm

[00:03:57] Gonna win a Guggenheim

[00:03:59] For good advice

[00:04:10] (One more time)

[00:04:23] Benjamin Franklin was a charming old man

[00:04:26] He was always flying his kite

[00:04:30] One night I said ＂Benjy why ain't you out with your kite ＂

[00:04:34] He said ＂Because it's raining tonight ＂

[00:04:37] I said ＂Benjy sweety you go right back out there

[00:04:41] And to your kite string tie a key

[00:04:44] This may shock you Benjy my boy

[00:04:48] But that's electricity ＂

[00:04:52] And that was good advice good advice

[00:04:56] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price

[00:05:00] I'll be fond of you

[00:05:01] If you'll only listen to

[00:05:03] My good advice

[00:05:11] Ooga Magoog was a Neanderthal man

[00:05:14] A very poorly educated soul

[00:05:18] He had a great big square thing made of solid stone

[00:05:22] And in the middle of it was a hole

[00:05:25] One day he had to go from his cave in Natchez

[00:05:29] To his uncle's cave in Mobile

[00:05:32] I said ＂Round off those corners

[00:05:35] And buy a set of tires

[00:05:37] And Ooky baby that's a wheel ＂

[00:05:41] And that was good advice good advice

[00:05:44] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price

[00:05:48] Harvard offered me

[00:05:49] A Phi Beta Kappa key

[00:05:51] For good advice

[00:05:59] Sigmund Freud he had an unfurnished house

[00:06:02] He was a very nosy fellow so it seems

[00:06:06] He had no chairs

[00:06:07] So he made all his friends stand around all day

[00:06:10] And tell him all their secrets and their dreams

[00:06:13] Well while they stood there talking till they got fallen arches

[00:06:17] They yelled ＂My feet are killing me Ouch ＂

[00:06:20] I said ＂Sigmund don't you realize you've got a gold mine here

[00:06:24] Go out and buy yourself a leather couch ＂

[00:06:27] And that was good advice good advice

[00:06:32] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price

[00:06:36] Every word you're told

[00:06:37] Will be 18 karat gold

[00:06:39] That's good advice

[00:06:47] Alexander Graham Bell was building a fence

[00:06:50] With some wood and a long piece of wire

[00:06:54] He said ＂There's something strange going on around here

[00:06:57] I keep hearing the voice of Uncle Myer ＂

[00:07:01] I said ＂Mr Graham Cracker ＂ (that was my little joke)

[00:07:05] ＂With that wire you got the world in your palm

[00:07:08] Just get a mouthpiece and an earpiece and a piece in between

[00:07:12] And you'll sponsor The Telephone Hour ＂

[00:07:17] And that was good advice good advice

[00:07:20] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price

[00:07:24] Every word ya hear

[00:07:25] Is the message of the year

[00:07:27] It's good advice

[00:07:35] Christopher Columbus was a seaman second class

[00:07:38] When I told him that the Indies could be found

[00:07:42] By sailing to the West instead of sailing to the East

[00:07:45] I advised him that I thought the world was round

[00:07:48] (I really thought so )

[00:07:49] And then I sent him down to ask good Queen Isabella

[00:07:52] To pawn her jewels for all their worth

[00:07:56] Next day he set sail and as everyone knows

[00:08:00] He fell off the edge of the Earth

[00:08:03] And that was bad advice bad advice

[00:08:08] Bad advice is just the same as good advice

[00:08:11] Everybody makes

[00:08:13] Occasional mistakes

[00:08:15] And that was bad advice