《你们为什么不按常理出牌》歌词

[00:00:00] 本字幕由腾讯音乐天琴实验室独家AI字幕技术生成
[00:00:00] 哎
[00:00:00] 我问一下你们a
[00:00:03] 我想问一下
[00:00:03] 你们节目粉丝过亿
[00:00:05] 你有什么看法
[00:00:05] 你先让一下
[00:00:07] 你太逗了
[00:00:08] 哎呀哎呀哎呀
[00:00:09] 别急
[00:00:10] 你的粉丝哦
[00:00:11] 加油加油
[00:00:12] 各发给我照相吧
[00:00:14] 上我家来玩儿来啊
[00:00:18] 我是主持人倾城
[00:00:19] 欢迎收听
[00:00:21] 我们都爱冷笑
[00:00:29] 嗨
[00:00:35] 哈喽哈喽
[00:00:36] 小伙伴们你们好吗我们爱讲冷笑话
[00:00:39] 我是冷主播
[00:00:40] 青橙今天继续和你们一起分享欢乐的冷笑话咯
[00:00:48] 哎
[00:00:49] 要说这一阵子呢
[00:00:50] 大成子觉得自己有点儿书荒
[00:00:52] 嗯
[00:00:52] 每天闲得无聊啊
[00:00:54] 要放假了嘛
[00:00:55] 我就问我朋友有没有什么好的书啊
[00:00:57] 推荐几本给我看看呗
[00:00:58] 还问我
[00:00:59] 老疼呢
[00:01:00] 你喜欢什么类型的
[00:01:02] 我就说
[00:01:03] 哎
[00:01:03] 我最近想看一些就是说能把人看
[00:01:06] 哭的书
[00:01:07] 嗯
[00:01:07] 类型就随意
[00:01:08] 然后过了一会儿
[00:01:09] 朋友给我发了一列书单
[00:01:10] 我打开一看
[00:01:12] 嗯
[00:01:12] 不错不错
[00:01:14] 高等数学第六版
[00:01:15] 大学物理学、结构力学、材料力学、现代大学英语
[00:01:20] 五年高考
[00:01:21] 三年模拟
[00:01:22] 等等等等
[00:01:23] 看来我朋友推荐的书真是有一套啊
[00:01:26] 光看这些书名我就想哭了
[00:01:33] 哎
[00:01:33] 为啥大厂子最近爱看书了呢
[00:01:35] 是因为最近朋友圈突然冒出了很多诗人
[00:01:38] 怎么回事儿呢
[00:01:39] 前一阵朋友圈曝出了一张很火的图片
[00:01:42] 上面是一个孩子写的诗啊
[00:01:44] 孩子写的
[00:01:46] 我想变
[00:01:47] 我想变成一棵树
[00:01:49] 我开心时开花不开心时落叶哇哦
[00:01:54] 然后朋友圈那些人就开始诗兴大发了啊
[00:01:57] 各种版本就变出来了
[00:01:59] 呃
[00:01:59] 网购版
[00:02:00] 我想变成一件商品
[00:02:02] 开心时包邮不开心时下架WiFi 版我想变成路由器
[00:02:07] 开心时信号满格不开心时突然掉线
[00:02:10] 还有宠物版
[00:02:11] 我想变成一只哈士奇
[00:02:13] 开心是卖萌不开心是犯二的哈士奇是开心不开心都犯二
[00:02:19] 土豪版
[00:02:20] 我想变成土豪
[00:02:21] 开心时撒钱不开心时烧钱a
[00:02:25] 还有一个最绝的这脑洞开的
[00:02:28] 我想变成一缕P
[00:02:31] 开心时响屁不臭不开心
[00:02:33] 一直臭屁不响啊
[00:02:41] 哎
[00:02:41] 看到这些诗人
[00:02:42] 我就问我旁边写作业的小侄侄
[00:02:45] 我说小侄侄
[00:02:46] 你想变成啥呀
[00:02:47] 小侄说
[00:02:48] 我想变成练习册的参考答案
[00:02:54] 我说你这是想变成答案
[00:02:55] 然后我好抄作业啊啊
[00:02:57] 小侄子说
[00:02:58] 不是成书
[00:03:00] 你看练习册他开心的时候答案清晰明了
[00:03:04] 不开心是上面就一个字儿略
[00:03:10] 嗯
[00:03:11] 宝宝不开心了
[00:03:12] 哎
[00:03:13] 要说这小孩子说话呀
[00:03:15] 真的是很出人意料
[00:03:16] 说有一位妈妈带着女儿逛街
[00:03:19] 看到了一个卖炸鸡的小摊啊
[00:03:22] 在人民广场吃着炸鸡
[00:03:24] 而呢就缠着他妈妈要给他买
[00:03:27] 想吃炸鸡了
[00:03:28] 这妈妈呢
[00:03:29] 就被缠得没办法跟女儿说呀
[00:03:32] 女儿内不能吃那垃圾食品嗯呢
[00:03:36] 女儿回头看了看炸鸡
[00:03:38] 哎呀
[00:03:38] 还是老实地跟着妈妈回家了回到家
[00:03:41] 看到女儿就问爸爸
[00:03:43] 爸爸
[00:03:44] 爸爸
[00:03:44] 是不是我们家特别穷啊
[00:03:48] 爸爸一头雾水
[00:03:49] 怎么穷啊啊
[00:03:50] 你老爹腰缠百惯哪穷啊
[00:03:54] 他女儿接着说
[00:03:55] 爸爸
[00:03:56] 我今天想吃炸鸡
[00:03:58] 嗯
[00:03:59] 妈妈说
[00:04:00] 那是垃圾食品
[00:04:01] 不给我买吧
[00:04:03] 呃
[00:04:04] 咱家你看穷的连垃圾都吃不起啦
[00:04:09] 不按常理出牌呀
[00:04:11] 这小女孩儿
[00:04:13] 除了一个小女孩儿
[00:04:14] 最不按常理出牌的就是小明
[00:04:17] 没错
[00:04:17] 小明又出现了啊
[00:04:18] 老师说
[00:04:19] 小明啊
[00:04:20] 你用仔细这个词
[00:04:22] 你造一个句子
[00:04:24] 怎么说
[00:04:26] 嗯
[00:04:26] 老师这个词有点难呢
[00:04:28] 跟我以前造的那些不一样
[00:04:30] 我想一想啊
[00:04:31] 哦
[00:04:32] 仔细我想起来
[00:04:34] 老师
[00:04:34] 嗯
[00:04:35] 你看这样行不行
[00:04:36] 每次我在家写作业的时候
[00:04:39] 只要我写了错别字
[00:04:41] 爸爸就会骂我
[00:04:42] 兔崽子细心点儿
[00:04:45] 嗯
[00:04:45] 仔细
[00:04:52] 啊哈哈哈哈
[00:04:56] 对吧
[00:04:57] 有一位青少年很自卑啊
[00:04:59] 于是就去找大师排解疑虑
[00:05:01] 大师啊
[00:05:02] 我很自卑
[00:05:03] 总觉得自己什么都做不好
[00:05:06] 我很差劲
[00:05:06] 身上全是缺点
[00:05:07] 完全没有优点
[00:05:08] 我该怎么办
[00:05:09] 大师早就说了
[00:05:11] 那你看我如何呀
[00:05:13] 这人大师闻名于世
[00:05:15] 那自然是极好的呀
[00:05:17] 大人说
[00:05:17] 嗯
[00:05:18] 少年啊
[00:05:20] 人呢
[00:05:20] 要客观的看待自己吧
[00:05:23] 你看每个人都有两面
[00:05:25] 比如我吧
[00:05:26] 啊
[00:05:27] 虽然你们都知道我有非常好的优秀的一面
[00:05:30] 但是其实我还有更好更优秀的一面呢
[00:05:39] 嗯
[00:05:40] 啊
[00:05:43] 法师
[00:05:43] 你又调皮了
[00:05:45] 这么喜欢不按常理出牌的
[00:05:47] 除了小明和大事之外
[00:05:49] 还有各位喜欢逗自己家孩子玩儿的亲爸亲妈们说
[00:05:54] 有一次礼拜天
[00:05:55] 我妈呢
[00:05:56] 去参加同学聚会就不在家
[00:05:58] 到饭点了我跟我爸
[00:05:59] 呃都抽了都啊
[00:06:01] 但是俩人呢
[00:06:01] 都不会做饭
[00:06:02] 怎么办啊
[00:06:03] 老爸就跟我说
[00:06:04] 儿子
[00:06:05] 上次我和你妈呀
[00:06:06] 去了一家那个餐厅内味道不错啊
[00:06:09] 然后那家那个蟹黄豆腐
[00:06:12] 哎
[00:06:12] 真好吃啊
[00:06:13] 你不挺爱吃豆腐的吗
[00:06:15] 要不aa
[00:06:16] 我说行行啊好吧
[00:06:17] 咱要不去吃那家蟹黄加
[00:06:19] 老爸接着说
[00:06:20] 恶
[00:06:21] 要不你下楼打个外卖电话
[00:06:23] 哎
[00:06:24] 送两份麻婆豆腐盖饭吧
[00:06:30] 老爸
[00:06:30] 你这结局he 剧情完全不符啊啊
[00:06:33] 咱重来一次好不好
[00:06:34] 你按剧本走吧
[00:06:41] 哈
[00:06:41] 2016年了小伙伴们你们水逆了吗
[00:06:45] 嗯
[00:06:45] 什么是水
[00:06:46] 逆a 自己度娘吗
[00:06:48] 呃
[00:06:49] 都有哪些奇怪的事情发生呢
[00:06:50] 大家可以在评论区我们互动一下啊
[00:06:53] 这一期的我们爱讲冷笑话呢
[00:06:55] 就讲到这里啦
[00:06:56] 如果喜欢倾城的话别忘了关注我的新浪微博主持银青曾我们下期的冷笑话等着我回来
[00:07:03] 拜拜
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