《04恶搞达赖喇嘛》歌词

[00:00:00] 本字幕由腾讯音乐天琴实验室独家AI字幕技术生成

[00:00:03] 感谢各位

[00:00:03] 嗯

[00:00:04] 这个谦儿哥好长时间没睡觉啊

[00:00:08] 也不知道他干嘛去了

[00:00:11] 我陪着您待着

[00:00:12] 哎

[00:00:15] 来了这些人啊

[00:00:16] 看着大伙儿打心里就高兴

[00:00:18] 是捧

[00:00:20] 真支持

[00:00:21] 对

[00:00:21] 多听相声有好处

[00:00:23] 嗯

[00:00:23] 多听相声说明您爱国

[00:00:25] 爱国

[00:00:26] 5000年的传统文化都在相声里得到体现

[00:00:29] 嗯啊

[00:00:30] 你现在来说好多人到不了现场

[00:00:33] 嗯

[00:00:33] 网上下载也能听

[00:00:35] 哪儿都有啊

[00:00:36] 好多人在MP3 里装的都是相声啊

[00:00:39] 喜欢这个吗

[00:00:40] 方便

[00:00:40] 对来不了剧场

[00:00:42] 没事儿一样能听

[00:00:43] 拿起来

[00:00:44] 时代在发展

[00:00:45] 社会在进步

[00:00:46] 嗯

[00:00:46] 你当初

[00:00:47] 你你敢想象呃

[00:00:48] MP 3

[00:00:49] 那时候哪有啊

[00:00:50] 没有啊

[00:00:51] 没有当年懂得什么叫健身吗

[00:00:54] 那时候也没有你照相机

[00:00:56] 100年前没有

[00:00:58] 有也没这么好是

[00:01:00] 而且没有照相

[00:01:01] 这人废话

[00:01:06] 嗨

[00:01:09] 快点

[00:01:09] 照我坚持不了多一会儿啊

[00:01:11] 他们不干啊

[00:01:13] 糖尿病身体不成

[00:01:14] 不挨着这个手机过去有吗

[00:01:18] 没有

[00:01:18] 你不是说过去了

[00:01:19] 你倒退几年

[00:01:21] 倒退个十年八年

[00:01:22] 是这么普及吗

[00:01:23] 这根本就不是这样

[00:01:24] 没有对

[00:01:26] 当初那个年头儿

[00:01:27] 就是你祖父那会儿

[00:01:29] 你爷爷那会儿解放前了啊

[00:01:31] 那是啊

[00:01:32] 他爷爷在村子里负责点什么工作对有点儿什么事儿

[00:01:35] 拿大铁皮喇叭就起个扩音子

[00:01:38] 老乡们都出来吧

[00:01:40] 皇军不抢粮食

[00:01:43] 汉奸呢

[00:01:44] 是怎么着

[00:01:44] 这就是他爷爷

[00:01:45] 不是干这个的

[00:01:47] 后来就有电了啊

[00:01:49] 村里也装那个大喇叭队

[00:01:52] 有一个人在屋里喊带电了他

[00:01:54] 他不是富

[00:01:55] 在村子里就喊着他大爷也负责村东头张寡妇、李寡妇

[00:01:59] 王寡妇再不交电钱

[00:02:02] 晚上我踹你们家门去或踹寡妇门呢

[00:02:06] 啊

[00:02:07] 干这事儿

[00:02:08] 时代在发展

[00:02:09] 现在这个手机人手一个啊

[00:02:12] 人都有

[00:02:13] 一天比一天先进队

[00:02:15] 包括彩铃

[00:02:16] 彩铃也多呀

[00:02:17] 前两年哪有啊

[00:02:18] 短信彩铃没有

[00:02:19] 现在各种各样

[00:02:20] 我手机就是是吗

[00:02:22] 每一个不同的朋友来的电话声音都不一样

[00:02:24] 有区别啊

[00:02:26] 啷哩个哩个啷哩个啷哩个啷

[00:02:31] 这是曲艺圈的朋友哦

[00:02:33] 单弦儿来唱

[00:02:34] 单弦儿的

[00:02:34] 嗯

[00:02:35] T t touch 令他令他令他唱快板儿的黑

[00:02:40] 起来

[00:02:41] 砰砰我媳妇儿啊

[00:02:44] 他长期受压迫的结果

[00:02:46] 嗯嗯

[00:02:47] 爸爸接电话吧

[00:02:49] 这个雨下给我换一个铃声啊

[00:02:56] 就说这意思啊

[00:02:58] 什么意思啊

[00:02:59] 时代在发展

[00:03:00] 社会在进步啊

[00:03:02] 人们的生活水平提高了

[00:03:04] 人往高处走水往低处流

[00:03:07] 对人都想好

[00:03:08] 嗯

[00:03:09] 都想

[00:03:10] 成功做点儿大事

[00:03:12] 是女老师就算不错

[00:03:14] 我一般在相声界里边儿

[00:03:16] 这就算头沟了吧

[00:03:18] 不敢这么说

[00:03:19] 嗯

[00:03:19] 够了

[00:03:19] 刚封了

[00:03:20] 哪儿的事了不起

[00:03:21] 我们剧场那个经理说

[00:03:23] 别的演员不行

[00:03:24] 谁不行

[00:03:25] 看不上

[00:03:26] 唯独体育老师啊

[00:03:27] 他挑三个大拇哥

[00:03:28] 夸了剧场经理

[00:03:31] 三只手有个六指儿

[00:03:33] 嗨

[00:03:33] 捂脸了不起

[00:03:35] 没有他

[00:03:35] 家庭也很好

[00:03:36] 熏陶老师的父亲们啊

[00:03:39] 在别家门这儿

[00:03:42] 没有那么些人

[00:03:43] 他父亲总爱倚着门说话

[00:03:45] 嗨

[00:03:46] 那不算于老师的父亲

[00:03:49] 王老爷子

[00:03:50] 嗯

[00:03:50] 在这北京来说法什么呀

[00:03:54] 我姓于

[00:03:55] 我爸爸也得姓于

[00:03:56] 还有这么巧的事儿

[00:03:59] 不是巧劲儿派出所有人挑的是吧

[00:04:02] 没有啊

[00:04:03] 子承父姓都得这么说

[00:04:04] 他们老爷子那是了不起的人

[00:04:06] 嗯

[00:04:07] 普通话能有这样的儿子吗

[00:04:08] 嗨

[00:04:09] 阿政府也很器重他父亲

[00:04:11] 那倒是啊

[00:04:12] 政府说了

[00:04:13] 只要能找到他爸爸在哪儿

[00:04:15] 给10万块

[00:04:17] 要能送来给的还多

[00:04:19] 嗯嗯

[00:04:20] 鸡饭呢是怎么着

[00:04:21] 了不起啊

[00:04:22] 所以他有这个成绩

[00:04:24] 中国相声界第一个买车的人叫余谦

[00:04:27] 买的早点

[00:04:28] 那些个腕儿还蹬自行车

[00:04:30] 拿着月票的时候啊

[00:04:31] 于老师已经都都开上车了

[00:04:34] 嗨

[00:04:34] 我买了一辆

[00:04:35] 那叫聚力三邦子呀

[00:04:40] 我骑三轮车

[00:04:41] 他那些个腕儿还拿月票

[00:04:42] 你有这就不错了

[00:04:43] 我还不如拿月票坐公汽喝着呢

[00:04:46] 就是属于自己想上哪儿上哪儿去啊

[00:04:49] 就是冬天冷啊

[00:04:51] 车里边儿套一炉子前玻璃开一窟窿

[00:04:54] 走烟囱

[00:04:55] 嚯后斗儿拉200块红梅

[00:04:56] 嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟嘟

[00:04:58] 暖和一冬天是自己烧了

[00:05:00] 那就啊

[00:05:01] 后来就有钱了

[00:05:02] 那就换了一辆新的巨力

[00:05:04] 嗨

[00:05:06] 我换一个四个轮的

[00:05:07] 怎么样啊

[00:05:08] 拉着一个备胎

[00:05:09] 备胎管什么用啊

[00:05:11] 到今天于老师更了不得了啊

[00:05:13] 穿的也很讲究

[00:05:14] 嗯

[00:05:15] 吃的也最好

[00:05:16] 吃的什么东西下来

[00:05:17] 他先吃什么啊

[00:05:19] 了不起住的房子也很好啊

[00:05:21] 他住的房子也很好啊

[00:05:23] 楼上楼下四层楼是700平米

[00:05:25] 带魔帝的王乐

[00:05:27] 我把三蹦子搬屋去了

[00:05:29] 又不是怎么了

[00:05:31] 哎

[00:05:31] 那个就是一小门儿开开之后进去能哦

[00:05:33] 电梯电梯

[00:05:34] 嗨带电梯的您说清楚了

[00:05:37] 我向你学吧

[00:05:38] 谈不上好吗没有

[00:05:40] 因为我一直我就认识这么句话就

[00:05:42] 嗯你高人有罪

[00:05:44] 这对能耐大就是能耐大

[00:05:45] 你不服人呐

[00:05:46] 不行

[00:05:46] 骂街不解决问题啊哎

[00:05:49] 我没用像于老师学吧

[00:05:51] 我会成为一个出类拔萃的人

[00:05:54] 您啊

[00:05:54] 嗯我会都是我本身来说

[00:05:56] 我这人品质很好啊

[00:05:58] 那是基本

[00:05:59] 哎你看我这个人这么讲吧

[00:06:00] 啊走到街上看一大皮包

[00:06:02] 打开一看都是钱

[00:06:03] 是别人就拿着跑了

[00:06:04] 嗯

[00:06:05] 这是我

[00:06:06] 等失主

[00:06:07] 哎

[00:06:07] 这就对了

[00:06:08] 嗯

[00:06:09] 拾金不昧这四个字儿说的是我

[00:06:12] 您能做到等失主好施主要说不要我再要

[00:06:16] 嗨人

[00:06:17] 凭什么不要啊

[00:06:19] 您您见着人跟人怎么说呀

[00:06:22] 你别跟他说呀

[00:06:24] 啊

[00:06:25] 那您还等什么

[00:06:26] 施主啊

[00:06:26] 这儿你等他过去

[00:06:27] 哦

[00:06:27] 确定是他

[00:06:28] 他走了你再回家

[00:06:30] 好吗

[00:06:30] 您这钱拿得真踏实

[00:06:32] 我

[00:06:32] 我会成功的吧

[00:06:33] 嗯

[00:06:34] 我会成为一个出类拔萃的人呢

[00:06:36] 那你有什么本事啊

[00:06:37] 嘿

[00:06:38] 怎么了

[00:06:39] 你欺负人

[00:06:39] 你这是怎么欺负人了

[00:06:41] 从这些人给我下不来台没有

[00:06:43] 我就是问一问呢

[00:06:44] 你这

[00:06:44] 你这说的是人话

[00:06:45] 你有什么撇辣子

[00:06:46] 你有什么本事

[00:06:47] 你这

[00:06:48] 你这叫侮辱我你知道吗

[00:06:49] 怎么侮辱我一世英名毁于你手

[00:06:51] 什么英明啊

[00:06:52] 得亏沫没有

[00:06:54] 没有我悔什么呀

[00:06:56] 有也毁你手里边儿了

[00:06:57] 这不是没有吗

[00:06:58] 我心灵手巧啊

[00:06:59] 为什么呀我

[00:07:00] 我会切羊肉片儿

[00:07:02] 啊

[00:07:03] 我还会切牛肉片哦

[00:07:05] 还会磨刀

[00:07:06] 磨完刀切片

[00:07:08] 还切牛肉片

[00:07:09] 别切了

[00:07:09] 能干一厨师去不就完了

[00:07:11] 对呀

[00:07:11] 可以呀

[00:07:12] 行行出状元嘛

[00:07:14] 对吗

[00:07:14] 我们有一个同行的一个一个大姐啊

[00:07:17] 也是厨师

[00:07:18] 谁呀

[00:07:19] 大长今啊大长今

[00:07:22] 韩国韩国远道远跟

[00:07:25] 那通过精湛的厨艺啊

[00:07:26] 就把皇上都勾搭到手了啊

[00:07:29] 哦

[00:07:29] 我通过我这厨艺啊

[00:07:31] 我怎么弄俩娘娘一块儿过日子呢

[00:07:34] 心还真大

[00:07:35] 弄俩娘娘

[00:07:36] 嗯

[00:07:36] 有一正公益片的啊

[00:07:38] 咱别想这个啦

[00:07:39] 嗯

[00:07:39] 我

[00:07:39] 我很愿意这样啊

[00:07:41] 我开了一个孩子一个饭店

[00:07:42] 好韩国料理

[00:07:44] 嗯

[00:07:44] 我叫小长今

[00:07:45] 小常接开张

[00:07:47] 客人来了

[00:07:47] 啊

[00:07:48] 来了

[00:07:48] 卤煮怎么还卖卤煮啊

[00:07:50] 还以为跟小肠陈是哥们儿呢

[00:07:53] 好吗不是连锁店

[00:07:54] 这个

[00:07:54] 我我想了

[00:07:55] 我我得讨个吉利

[00:07:57] 甭讨吉利

[00:07:57] 我得先讨一好的

[00:07:59] 好的吉利的兆头

[00:08:01] 对

[00:08:01] 你看人家都是请个请个

[00:08:04] 那个跟屋里空着

[00:08:05] 我怎么就不行呢

[00:08:06] 你也可以想想

[00:08:07] 干大事业

[00:08:08] 先讨一个吉利怎么讨

[00:08:09] 北京西山有一座古庙

[00:08:11] 哦

[00:08:12] 里面有一老老神仙吧

[00:08:13] 老和尚的货

[00:08:14] 说话很灵啊

[00:08:16] 他那儿有那个戴着那个护身符啊

[00:08:19] 对啊

[00:08:19] 我去求一个吧

[00:08:20] 请一个去

[00:08:21] 我请一个

[00:08:22] 已经很虔诚

[00:08:23] 对

[00:08:23] 早晨五点钟我就起床了

[00:08:25] 那么早前程吗

[00:08:27] 嗯

[00:08:27] 这是很重要的

[00:08:28] 嗯

[00:08:28] 你见过咱们西藏的喇嘛

[00:08:30] 知道人家那磕长头

[00:08:31] 嗯

[00:08:32] 那就说明是虔诚

[00:08:33] 对了

[00:08:33] 啪就扔那儿了

[00:08:35] 没摔那么狠啊

[00:08:36] 这不是人家真的夸

[00:08:38] 就磕头

[00:08:39] 对我以后要发财了

[00:08:40] 我家里养六个喇嘛干嘛呀

[00:08:42] 擦地啊

[00:08:44] 拿喇叭当墩布用啊

[00:08:46] 干净干净呢

[00:08:48] 您先后世那是以后的事儿了啊

[00:08:50] 我先说眼前吧

[00:08:51] 对我

[00:08:51] 我先去上西山

[00:08:53] 五点出来

[00:08:54] 车坏了哟

[00:08:55] 你这事儿闹的啊

[00:08:56] 呃

[00:08:57] 走着去

[00:08:58] 步行走着

[00:08:59] 去也去喝

[00:09:00] 心要虔诚吗

[00:09:01] 嗯

[00:09:02] 走到西山

[00:09:03] 中午12点

[00:09:04] 嗯

[00:09:04] 一上午的功夫

[00:09:05] 你这

[00:09:06] 这心

[00:09:06] 够虔诚了吧

[00:09:07] 可以啦

[00:09:08] 够虔诚吧

[00:09:08] 嗯

[00:09:09] 迈步走

[00:09:10] 一进庙

[00:09:11] 小和尚迎出来了

[00:09:12] 啊

[00:09:12] 施主从哪儿来啊啊

[00:09:14] 我说

[00:09:14] 打东土大唐而来

[00:09:16] 哈哈

[00:09:16] 取经来了

[00:09:18] 开玩笑啊

[00:09:18] 就是开玩笑

[00:09:19] 您到底是来求签呢啊

[00:09:21] 还是做宝剑呢

[00:09:23] 什么寺庙啊

[00:09:25] 这是

[00:09:25] 怎么还要做保健呢

[00:09:27] 这里头

[00:09:28] 这这庙叫宝剑寺吗

[00:09:30] 什么保健四

[00:09:31] 想当初一个传说吗

[00:09:32] 越王勾践啊

[00:09:34] 构建啊啊

[00:09:35] 有谁构建呢

[00:09:37] 还挺贱的

[00:09:38] 就是回大宝剑杀人吗

[00:09:40] 然后就那件我不听力能切羊肉片儿

[00:09:43] 白切羊肉吃啊你

[00:09:45] 你不懂这个呀

[00:09:46] 我是不懂您有多少科学

[00:09:48] 这都是这寺庙里的您

[00:09:50] 所以他后来按着宝剑跟那儿供着

[00:09:52] 盖着庙叫宝剑寺

[00:09:54] 哦

[00:09:54] 我们来求得呢

[00:09:55] 小保健啊

[00:09:56] 护身符儿坐着小个

[00:09:57] 拿红绳子系这好护身符吗

[00:09:59] 嗯

[00:09:59] 小保健吧啊

[00:10:01] 就别提这个了啊

[00:10:02] 你们怎么愿意求这个啊

[00:10:04] 我求保健来呢

[00:10:05] 哎

[00:10:05] 您跟我来上边来进去吧啊

[00:10:07] 老师傅在后边儿了啊

[00:10:09] 拐弯抹角到后边禅堂老和尚跟这儿坐着喝大长眉毛噢

[00:10:14] 到地下

[00:10:15] 嗯

[00:10:16] 这坐着啊

[00:10:17] 对过坐

[00:10:18] 一姑娘都这么漂亮啊

[00:10:20] 太漂亮了啊

[00:10:21] 干嘛的啊

[00:10:21] 做保健还是做保健吗

[00:10:24] 这个呢

[00:10:25] 什么什么废话

[00:10:26] 他干嘛来的

[00:10:27] 也求保健来着

[00:10:28] 求保健啊

[00:10:29] 姑娘太好看了

[00:10:30] 破了相都比你好看

[00:10:32] 别拿我比喻呢

[00:10:33] 坐着啊

[00:10:34] 也是来求求保健请老老和尚指点迷津的哦

[00:10:38] 也说老师给他讲呢

[00:10:40] 讲什么呢

[00:10:41] 千古流传美好的姻缘

[00:10:49] 王二姐张廷秀把na 佳话

[00:10:54] 千古传

[00:10:58] 老和尚出家之前是唱二人转的那个

[00:11:02] 要尊敬一下好不好

[00:11:03] 废话

[00:11:04] 他唱的就是这个

[00:11:05] 大姐

[00:11:06] 大姐我道远啊

[00:11:07] 我五点出来

[00:11:08] 12点到这儿

[00:11:09] 我夹个塞儿行不行

[00:11:11] 哦

[00:11:11] 您受累

[00:11:12] 您坐这边儿来

[00:11:12] 在前边儿来吧

[00:11:13] 我跟着啊

[00:11:14] 不知道师父啊

[00:11:15] 弟子求您指点迷津啊

[00:11:17] 您说说女施主啊

[00:11:19] 什么眼神儿啊

[00:11:21] 换人了

[00:11:22] 这二大爷大爷我我嗯

[00:11:24] 大爷看吧

[00:11:25] 改大爷了

[00:11:26] 嗯

[00:11:29] 你弄哪去了你

[00:11:30] 嗯嗯

[00:11:31] 等佳哥等我一会儿

[00:11:32] 等会儿

[00:11:33] 嗯嗯嗯

[00:11:35] 也不是什么正经和尚

[00:11:36] 这个说吧说吧

[00:11:40] 什么事儿说

[00:11:41] 嗯

[00:11:42] 老师

[00:11:42] 我这求您指点弟子迷津

[00:11:45] 我要奋斗

[00:11:46] 要成为一个了不起的人

[00:11:47] 您看我应该注意什么

[00:11:49] 说说

[00:11:49] 等一会儿

[00:11:50] 等一会儿别惦记他了

[00:11:52] 这还一人呢

[00:11:53] 没看见吗

[00:11:55] 菩提本非树

[00:11:57] 明镜亦非台

[00:11:58] 本来无一物

[00:12:00] 何处染尘埃

[00:12:02] 哎哟哎哟

[00:12:03] 太好了

[00:12:04] 我感动了

[00:12:04] 我这说的真好真好

[00:12:06] 妈真好真好说什么呢

[00:12:07] 谁知道啊

[00:12:09] 没听清楚

[00:12:09] 还好

[00:12:10] 真好

[00:12:10] 真好

[00:12:11] 老师傅您

[00:12:12] 您再来一个

[00:12:12] 再来一个

[00:12:13] 再来一个

[00:12:14] 大爷大爷受累

[00:12:15] 再来一个

[00:12:15] 再来一个

[00:12:16] 再来一个啊

[00:12:18] 再来一个啊

[00:12:19] 弄和尚带翻厂

[00:12:20] 嗯

[00:12:21] 道德三皇五帝

[00:12:22] 功名夏侯

[00:12:23] 商周五霸

[00:12:24] 七雄闹春秋

[00:12:25] 顷刻兴亡过手

[00:12:27] 青史几行名

[00:12:28] 姓北邙

[00:12:29] 无数荒丘

[00:12:30] 前人播种后人收

[00:12:31] 说是龙争虎斗

[00:12:35] 哎哟

[00:12:35] 太好了

[00:12:35] 太好了

[00:12:36] 嗯

[00:12:36] 你再来一个

[00:12:37] 再来一个

[00:12:37] 还是说大爷

[00:12:38] 这个来来

[00:12:39] 嗯

[00:12:39] 还来了啊

[00:12:40] 再说多等会儿

[00:12:42] 等会儿别电着啊

[00:12:46] 还没完事儿呢啊

[00:12:47] 就这样

[00:12:49] 千古流传最好的一员

[00:12:54] 王二姐不唱这段儿

[00:12:56] 他一般说

[00:12:57] 俩准唱一个

[00:12:58] 嗯

[00:12:58] 好

[00:12:59] 还是二人转

[00:13:00] 就是肚囊窄一点

[00:13:01] 红肉窄一点儿

[00:13:02] 就算是没别的了

[00:13:03] 我说行

[00:13:03] 我谢谢您

[00:13:04] 谢谢您啊

[00:13:05] 我听懂了

[00:13:05] 弟子听懂了

[00:13:06] 哦

[00:13:06] 你赶紧把宝剑给我吧

[00:13:08] 嗯

[00:13:08] 我带上

[00:13:08] 我好好得个好惨啊

[00:13:11] 护身符等着啊

[00:13:12] 小和尚后面拿来了

[00:13:14] 老师傅拿起来

[00:13:15] 毕恭毕敬啊

[00:13:16] 施主

[00:13:18] 这个保健非同小可

[00:13:20] 为什么

[00:13:20] 呃

[00:13:21] 她是贫僧特意走光的啊

[00:13:23] 你先了解一下这个

[00:13:25] 行了

[00:13:25] 别说了

[00:13:26] 说特意走光的呀

[00:13:28] 对老和尚特意走光的

[00:13:30] 没听说过

[00:13:31] 你看谁这儿挂一个光屁股老和尚啊

[00:13:34] 你不要胡说

[00:13:35] 好不废话

[00:13:36] 老和尚走光

[00:13:37] 干嘛走光啊

[00:13:38] 人家这庙里和由高僧开光

[00:13:41] 开光的

[00:13:44] 你骗我吧

[00:13:47] 这我骗你什么

[00:13:48] 你小时候一块儿玩儿

[00:13:49] 孩子在一块打起来了啊

[00:13:50] 把这裤子扒下来了

[00:13:51] 他要我自个开光内叫走光

[00:13:56] 知道吗

[00:13:57] 这个呢

[00:13:58] 这叫开光啊

[00:14:00] 这就不不扒老和尚裤子了废话

[00:14:03] 你扒老和尚裤子干嘛

[00:14:04] 那扒谁裤子呢

[00:14:06] 谁的裤子也不扒不扒怎么怎么开光了呢

[00:14:11] 您怎么不明白

[00:14:12] 这东西就叫开光

[00:14:13] 跟裤子搭裤子没关系

[00:14:14] 穿着裤子啊穿着裤子多新鲜处

[00:14:17] 那怎么叫走光呢

[00:14:20] 谁说走光了

[00:14:21] 到底谁裤子扒了给谁

[00:14:23] 裤子也没扒不扒裤子吧

[00:14:26] 裤子这东西就叫开过就开光哎

[00:14:29] 对了可可

[00:14:29] 闹清楚这件事

[00:14:30] 嗯

[00:14:31] 我我谢谢您

[00:14:32] 谢谢您太好了

[00:14:33] 嗯

[00:14:33] 谢谢老师

[00:14:34] 我有您保佑我以后会了不起的啊

[00:14:37] 问一下

[00:14:37] 我还有什么需要注意的吗

[00:14:40] 千古流传AJ 美好的力量啊啊啊

[00:14:47] 鼻子把这半拉图上就是荆州哦

[00:14:50] 我就是公安部的车了哇

[00:14:53] 回家拿笔

[00:14:54] 涂完之后挂在我的车上

[00:14:56] 嗯

[00:14:56] 开车就出来了

[00:14:57] 过去了

[00:14:58] 警察一看劲儿还蓝呢

[00:15:01] 林总啊

[00:15:01] 要疯啊

[00:15:02] 嗯

[00:15:03] 我今o 嗯

[00:15:04] 公安部的车是啊

[00:15:06] 邓飞啊

[00:15:07] 公安部还有摩地呢

[00:15:09] 好骂

[00:15:11] 哈哈

[00:15:12] 您不认识别的车吧

[00:15:15] 开这玩意

[00:15:16] 开灌啊

[00:15:17] 灌一说吧

[00:15:18] 我又

[00:15:19] 我又受到打击了啊

[00:15:21] 为什么每次我都快跑到终点才被人通知取消了比赛资格呢

[00:15:25] 谁让您参赛的人都说

[00:15:27] 干大事得交点学费啊

[00:15:29] 我这学费够够拍六个黄金假的了

[00:15:31] 哈哈

[00:15:32] 到现在我也没成功啊

[00:15:34] 为什么呢

[00:15:35] 没有

[00:15:36] 为什么我想了

[00:15:37] 我不能听别人的啊

[00:15:38] 我老指着别人完成不了

[00:15:40] 那倒是我自己干吧

[00:15:41] 对

[00:15:41] 脚踏实地踏踏实实

[00:15:43] A

[00:15:43] 从小打小闹干起

[00:15:45] 做什么一步一步来嘛啊

[00:15:46] 先干房地产

[00:15:47] 对

[00:15:48] 这就不小了

[00:15:49] 这个我得干点有谱的事儿

[00:15:52] 您这还有谱儿

[00:15:53] 我上王府井先买块地去

[00:15:55] 王府井儿还有地吗

[00:15:56] 你买不下来我去行为什么

[00:15:58] 我就就跟那儿负责

[00:15:59] 哦

[00:16:00] 厕所的卫生

[00:16:02] 找厕所那两间都归他管

[00:16:04] 一男一女

[00:16:05] 我找他去啊

[00:16:06] 刚好找他啊

[00:16:07] 我就就双规了

[00:16:09] 扫厕所的也双规啊

[00:16:12] 他调整跟墩布那数对不上

[00:16:14] 呵

[00:16:15] 这偷这玩意儿有什么用啊

[00:16:16] 这

[00:16:17] 嗯

[00:16:18] 我得找人捞他呀

[00:16:19] 是吧

[00:16:19] 还捞呢

[00:16:20] 找人捞他呀啊啊

[00:16:22] 我舅姥爷倒是在北京市公安局噢

[00:16:25] 压着呢

[00:16:26] 压着爷俩

[00:16:28] 一辈子没见

[00:16:29] 这回见着了a

[00:16:30] 在这儿能说话去了

[00:16:31] 哎

[00:16:32] 有一个说相声

[00:16:32] 李菁噢

[00:16:34] 他舅舅在美国大使馆

[00:16:36] A 负责厕所卫生

[00:16:38] 全是扫厕所

[00:16:40] 找他去干嘛啊

[00:16:41] 舅舅啊

[00:16:41] 快点救救我

[00:16:42] 救救吧

[00:16:43] 啊哈哈啊

[00:16:44] 帮帮我

[00:16:45] 他说就不行

[00:16:46] 去不了去不了

[00:16:47] 孩子真管不了这事儿

[00:16:48] 为什么我现在没有档期啊

[00:16:50] 扫厕所还有什么档期

[00:16:52] 他就一个人盯厕所卫生

[00:16:54] 没人换班儿

[00:16:55] 那就走了

[00:16:55] 就脏了就啊

[00:16:57] 我想了想

[00:16:58] 拉倒吧

[00:16:59] 怎么啊

[00:17:00] 我内内厕所盘起来也没有太大的作用

[00:17:03] 那我盖80 层

[00:17:04] 也都是两居

[00:17:06] A 对厅很小啊

[00:17:09] 根本就没有听

[00:17:10] 一男厕所

[00:17:11] 一个女厕所

[00:17:12] 哪来的听啊

[00:17:13] 有一个窗户是买纸什么的

[00:17:15] 啊哈

[00:17:16] 这售票的那个哪儿卖D 啊

[00:17:18] 便宜啊

[00:17:20] 德云社有个说相声叫徐德亮

[00:17:22] 哦

[00:17:22] 我知道我姥姥家门口啊

[00:17:25] 50 块钱一亩

[00:17:26] 真便宜啊

[00:17:27] 兄弟可别跟别人说

[00:17:28] 啊啊

[00:17:29] 这便宜

[00:17:29] 咱们吵吵着买去

[00:17:30] 咱们大伙儿凑1000块钱啊

[00:17:32] 咱买D 去

[00:17:33] 1000块钱都回家推自行车去啊

[00:17:36] 胡同口集合

[00:17:37] 看完咱们上那儿买D

[00:17:38] 去做这几个股东

[00:17:39] 嗯嗯

[00:17:40] 徐德亮说我不去啊

[00:17:42] 我不说你鸡贼是吧

[00:17:44] 也懒得登

[00:17:45] 我驮着你

[00:17:45] 咱俩倒班儿来

[00:17:46] 带折到不了哪儿啊

[00:17:48] 柴达木啊柴达木

[00:17:51] 我一听

[00:17:52] 啊

[00:17:52] 这太没谱了

[00:17:53] 一点谱都没挨达木

[00:17:55] 嗯

[00:17:55] 那都算三环外了

[00:17:57] 什么三环外

[00:17:59] 您弄点地理知识看看好不好啊

[00:18:01] 三环里啊

[00:18:02] 什么三环里

[00:18:03] 三环里

[00:18:03] 三环外

[00:18:04] 新疆啦

[00:18:05] 新疆村儿

[00:18:06] 海淀那边我认识

[00:18:08] 您没出过北京市吗

[00:18:09] 不不不

[00:18:10] 新疆自治区了

[00:18:12] 哎呀

[00:18:12] 不进了这一趟啊

[00:18:14] 你说这真盖上房

[00:18:15] 嗯

[00:18:15] 我的业主上班儿是个问题

[00:18:18] 想的还真远

[00:18:19] 为了那儿买房

[00:18:20] 把单位都辞了不合适

[00:18:22] 那是我给他们挖地铁行不行

[00:18:24] 从北京到新疆的地铁不堵车

[00:18:27] 快成就到了

[00:18:28] 是哇啊

[00:18:29] 你说卖楼的钱够挖地铁的吗

[00:18:31] 就您这1000块钱

[00:18:32] 够呛

[00:18:33] 够呛也行

[00:18:35] 怎么挖着挖着挖到山西就挖出煤来了啊

[00:18:38] 我一边卖着没一边

[00:18:40] 哇好

[00:18:41] 倒着点儿走

[00:18:41] 再挖着挖到陕西啊

[00:18:43] 就挖出兵马俑来了

[00:18:45] 或洗干净洗上八荣八耻

[00:18:47] 扛到潘家园就卖了he 好吗

[00:18:49] 嗯

[00:18:50] 是真的东西当假的卖

[00:18:52] 这也是能弄一下

[00:18:53] 对这合适也不行

[00:18:55] 再挖着到黄河还漏水呢啊

[00:18:57] 地铁里我的业主带着草帽披着雨衣

[00:19:00] 打着伞或多慎得慌的呢

[00:19:02] 就这样不行

[00:19:04] 而且从地理位置上讲啊

[00:19:05] 他们跟我说柴达木属于是嗯

[00:19:08] 盆地知道吗

[00:19:10] 小盆儿没盆地

[00:19:13] 盆a

[00:19:14] 大的字眼

[00:19:14] 哎

[00:19:15] 盆地儿啊

[00:19:16] 没有一个是小字眼儿

[00:19:17] 怎么说盆地俩都是听过这个地儿

[00:19:21] 跟你正贼逗你玩儿知道吗

[00:19:24] 我还能加字啊

[00:19:25] 谁跟你加字儿啊盆地

[00:19:27] 盆地就这么说

[00:19:28] 存水下雨

[00:19:29] 存水啊滑

[00:19:30] 一场雨下来

[00:19:31] 四层楼都没了

[00:19:33] 哦

[00:19:33] 我那房才盖了三层楼

[00:19:34] 对

[00:19:35] 那就全淹了

[00:19:36] 那不行啊啊

[00:19:37] 哎呀

[00:19:38] 这怎么办呢

[00:19:39] 就能有高一点儿的地儿

[00:19:41] 有哪儿

[00:19:42] 珠穆朗玛峰

[00:19:44] 就是差了好几站地呢

[00:19:46] 怎么算的

[00:19:47] 您这就得盖经济适用房

[00:19:50] 啊哈

[00:19:51] 你说点儿贴谱的事儿啊

[00:19:52] 我的业主上班

[00:19:54] 我们到时可以用飞机接

[00:19:56] 坐飞机上

[00:19:57] 早晨起来

[00:19:58] 珠峰那儿有一站啊

[00:19:59] 都哄着

[00:20:00] 飞机拉到北京上班儿去

[00:20:01] 那不行

[00:20:02] 嗯哪

[00:20:03] 上班的都有

[00:20:03] 那飞机落哪儿

[00:20:05] 就长安街上空投呗啊

[00:20:07] 背着降落伞跳伞去货也不行

[00:20:11] 怎么了

[00:20:11] 北京这电杆子太多

[00:20:13] 嗯

[00:20:13] 四九城到处挂的都是我的业主

[00:20:15] 好吗都跟这儿挑着

[00:20:17] 再雇保安往下摘人

[00:20:18] 这是个事儿

[00:20:19] 工程量太大

[00:20:20] 这是个事儿

[00:20:21] 是吧

[00:20:21] 啊

[00:20:22] 哎呀

[00:20:22] 而且它这个冷吗

[00:20:24] 那边儿冷

[00:20:25] 终年积雪

[00:20:26] 还得雇人扫雪去

[00:20:28] 嗯

[00:20:29] 屋里怎么办呢

[00:20:30] 屋里也冷

[00:20:30] 烧暖气哪儿来的没

[00:20:32] 哎

[00:20:32] 你王乐挖地铁挖到山西不就没了吗

[00:20:35] 啊

[00:20:35] 对对

[00:20:36] 别卖了

[00:20:37] 自个儿留着烧吧啊

[00:20:39] 哎呀也不是个办法

[00:20:41] 怎么他们说全球这个气候会变暖的

[00:20:43] 对

[00:20:44] 到时候就花了没

[00:20:45] 没有雪了

[00:20:46] 我的房都盖在冰上呢

[00:20:48] 房子盖冰上

[00:20:49] 你说怎么办呢

[00:20:50] 这呢没办法

[00:20:51] 真愁得睡不着觉

[00:20:53] 一宿一宿的难过

[00:20:54] 有什么办法吗

[00:20:56] 嗯

[00:20:57] 真挺着急的

[00:20:58] 我得找找那有有钱