《Albuquerque》歌词

[00:00:00] Albuquerque - Weird Al Yankovic

[00:00:01] Written by：Al Yankovic

[00:00:06] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy

[00:00:08] Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of

[00:00:10] The basement of the house

[00:00:11] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop

[00:00:14] You know the place

[00:00:15] Well anyway back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

[00:00:20] Except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning

[00:00:23] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

[00:00:27] Awww big bowl of sauerkraut

[00:00:31] Every single mornin'

[00:00:33] It was driving me crazy

[00:00:34] I said to my mom

[00:00:35] I said

[00:00:35] Hey mom what's up with all the sauerkraut

[00:00:37] And my dear sweet mother

[00:00:39] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train

[00:00:42] And she leaned right down next to me

[00:00:45] And she said It's good for you

[00:00:49] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth

[00:00:52] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until

[00:00:54] I was twenty six and a half years old

[00:00:56] That's when I swore that someday

[00:00:58] Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical far away place

[00:01:02] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer

[00:01:05] And the towels are oh so fluffy

[00:01:07] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long

[00:01:10] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

[00:01:14] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah

[00:01:15] Well let me tell you people it wasn't long at

[00:01:17] All before my dream came true

[00:01:19] Because the very next day a local radio station had this contest

[00:01:22] To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt

[00:01:27] I was off by three but I still won the grand prize

[00:01:30] That's right a first class one-way ticket to

[00:01:33] Albuquerque

[00:01:38] Albuquerque

[00:01:42] Oh yeah

[00:01:44] You know I'd never been on a real airplane before

[00:01:46] And I gotta tell ya it was really great

[00:01:48] Except that I had to sit between two large

[00:01:50] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor

[00:01:53] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time

[00:01:56] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts

[00:01:59] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore

[00:02:02] And oh yeah three of the airplane engines burned out

[00:02:04] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside

[00:02:06] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died

[00:02:11] Except for me

[00:02:13] You know why

[00:02:14] Cause I had my tray table up

[00:02:16] And my seat back in the full upright position

[00:02:19] Had my tray table up

[00:02:22] And my seat back in the full upright position

[00:02:24] Had my tray table up

[00:02:27] And my seat back in the full upright position

[00:02:30] Ah ha ha ha

[00:02:32] Ah ha ha

[00:02:33] Ahhhh

[00:02:35] So I crawled from the twisted burnin' wreckage

[00:02:37] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days

[00:02:41] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag

[00:02:45] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball

[00:02:48] And my lucky lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel

[00:02:52] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn

[00:02:56] Where the towels are oh so fluffy

[00:02:58] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna

[00:03:01] It's okay they're clean

[00:03:03] Well I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C

[00:03:05] And I turned on the SpectraVision

[00:03:07] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow

[00:03:09] That I love so very very much when suddenly there's a knock on the door

[00:03:14] Well now who could that be

[00:03:15] I say

[00:03:16] Who is it

[00:03:17] No answer

[00:03:18] Who is it

[00:03:19] There's no answer

[00:03:21] Who is it

[00:03:22] They're not sayin' anything

[00:03:24] So finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected

[00:03:28] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock Of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril

[00:03:33] Oh man I hate it when I'm right

[00:03:36] So anyway he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel

[00:03:39] And I'm like

[00:03:40] Hey you can't have that

[00:03:41] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me

[00:03:44] And he's like tough

[00:03:45] And I'm like give it

[00:03:46] And he's like make me

[00:03:48] And I'm like 'kay

[00:03:49] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus

[00:03:52] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows

[00:03:54] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation

[00:03:57] Yes indeed you better believe it

[00:04:00] And somehow in the middle of it all the phone got knocked off the hook

[00:04:03] And twenty seconds later I heard a familiar voice

[00:04:06] And you know what it said

[00:04:08] I'll tell you what it said

[00:04:09] It said

[00:04:10] If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again

[00:04:15] If you need help hang up and then dial your operator

[00:04:20] If you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again

[00:04:25] If you need help hang up and then dial your operator

[00:04:30] Albuquerque

[00:04:36] Albuquerque

[00:04:40] Well to cut a long story short he got away with my snorkel

[00:04:44] But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that

[00:04:46] I would not rest

[00:04:47] I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice

[00:04:51] But first I decided to buy some donuts

[00:04:53] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop

[00:04:56] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter

[00:04:58] And he says

[00:04:59] Yeah what do ya want

[00:05:04] I said

[00:05:04] You got any glazed donuts

[00:05:06] He said

[00:05:06] No we're outta glazed donuts

[00:05:09] I said

[00:05:09] You got any jelly donuts

[00:05:11] He said

[00:05:12] No we're outta jelly donuts

[00:05:14] I said

[00:05:14] You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts

[00:05:17] He said

[00:05:17] No we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts

[00:05:20] I said

[00:05:20] You got any cinnamon rolls

[00:05:22] He said

[00:05:22] No we're outta cinnamon rolls

[00:05:24] I said

[00:05:25] You got any apple fritters

[00:05:27] He said

[00:05:27] No we're outta apple fritters

[00:05:29] I said

[00:05:30] You got any bear claws

[00:05:32] He said

[00:05:33] Wait a minute I'll go check

[00:05:44] No we're outta bear claws

[00:05:46] I said

[00:05:47] Well in that case in that case what do you have

[00:05:51] He says

[00:05:52] All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels

[00:05:57] I said

[00:05:57] Okay I'll take that

[00:05:58] So he hands me the box and

[00:06:00] I open up the lid and the weasels jump out

[00:06:02] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over

[00:06:07] Oh man they were just going nuts

[00:06:09] They were tearin' me apart

[00:06:11] You know I think it was just about that time

[00:06:13] That a little ditty started goin' through my head

[00:06:16] I believe it went a little something like this

[00:06:19] Doh

[00:06:20] Get 'em off me

[00:06:21] Get 'em off me

[00:06:22] Oh

[00:06:22] No get 'em off get 'em off

[00:06:24] Oh oh God oh God

[00:06:25] Oh get 'em off me

[00:06:26] Oh oh God

[00:06:27] Ah ah ah

[00:06:30] I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face

[00:06:33] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin' runnin' runnin'

[00:06:35] Like a constipated wiener dog

[00:06:38] And as luck would have it that's exactly when

[00:06:40] I ran into the girl of my dreams

[00:06:43] Her name was Zelda

[00:06:45] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite

[00:06:48] And hair the color of strained peaches

[00:06:50] I'll never forget the first thing she said to me

[00:06:53] She said

[00:06:53] Hey you've got weasels on your face

[00:06:56] That's when I knew it was true love

[00:06:58] We were inseparable after that

[00:07:00] Aw we ate together we bathed together

[00:07:03] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss

[00:07:06] The world was our burrito

[00:07:08] So we got married and we bought us a house

[00:07:10] And had two beautiful children Nathaniel and Superfly

[00:07:14] Oh we were so very very very happy aw yeah

[00:07:18] But then one fateful night Zelda said to me

[00:07:21] She said

[00:07:22] Sweetie pumpkin

[00:07:23] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club

[00:07:28] I said

[00:07:29] Whoa hold on now baby

[00:07:31] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment

[00:07:34] So we broke up and I never saw her again

[00:07:36] But that's just the way things go

[00:07:39] Albuquerque

[00:07:44] Albuquerque

[00:08:00] Anyway things really started lookin' up for me

[00:08:02] Because about a week later I finally achieved my lifelong dream

[00:08:06] That's right I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler

[00:08:09] I even made employee of the month after

[00:08:11] I put out that grease fire with my face

[00:08:13] Aw yeah everybody was pretty jealous of me after that

[00:08:16] I was gettin' a lot of attitude

[00:08:18] OK like one time I was out in the parking lot

[00:08:20] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil

[00:08:23] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol'

[00:08:25] Sofa up the stairs all by himself

[00:08:27] So I

[00:08:28] I say to him I say

[00:08:29] Hey you want me to help you with that

[00:08:30] And Marty he just rolls his eyes and goes

[00:08:33] No I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw

[00:08:37] So I did

[00:08:38] And then he gets all indignant on me

[00:08:40] He's like

[00:08:41] Hey man I was just being sarcastic

[00:08:43] Well that's just great

[00:08:44] How was I supposed to know that

[00:08:46] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud

[00:08:48] Besides now he's got a really cute nickname Torso-Boy

[00:08:51] So what's he complaining about

[00:08:54] Say that reminds me of another amusing anecdote

[00:08:57] This guy comes up to me on the street

[00:08:58] And says he hasn't had a bite in three days

[00:09:01] Well I knew what he meant

[00:09:02] But just to be funny I took a big bite out of his jugular vein

[00:09:06] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over

[00:09:09] And I'm like

[00:09:09] Hey come on don'tcha get it

[00:09:11] But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming

[00:09:16] You know just completely missing the irony of the whole situation

[00:09:19] Man some people just can't take a joke you know

[00:09:22] Anyway um um where was I

[00:09:28] Kinda lost my train of thought

[00:09:30] Uh well uh okay

[00:09:32] Anyway I I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it

[00:09:35] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

[00:09:37] I hate Sauerkraut

[00:09:41] That's all I'm really tryin' to say

[00:09:42] And by the way if one day you happen to wake up

[00:09:44] And find yourself in an existential quandry

[00:09:47] Full of loathing and self-doubt

[00:09:49] And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence

[00:09:53] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that

[00:09:55] Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours

[00:10:00] There's still a little place called

[00:10:03] Albuquerque

[00:10:08] Albuquerque

[00:10:13] Albuquerque Albuquerque

[00:10:15] Albuquerque Albuquerque

[00:10:18] Albuquerque Albuquerque

[00:10:20] Albuquerque Albuquerque

[00:10:23] I said A A

[00:10:25] L L

[00:10:26] B B

[00:10:27] U U

[00:10:31] Querque querque

[00:10:38] Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque

[00:10:40] Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque

[00:10:43] Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque

[00:10:45] Albuquerque Albuquerque

[00:10:47] Albuquerque