《The Cactus》歌词

[00:00:00] When I and my new love my true love got married

[00:00:06] Our love our true love very nearly miscarried

[00:00:11] And one of the chief the contributory factors

[00:00:16] Was when my dear wife fell in love with a cactus

[00:00:22] On our wedding day my auntie Ivy gave us both a little pot

[00:00:26] A plastic what not

[00:00:27] Which contained a spiky cactus as a present it was tactless

[00:00:30] But my wife my life my golden girl she loved it from the start

[00:00:37] Though it was old and mouldy she took it to her very heart

[00:00:43] My snow white my aphrodite my pocket Venus

[00:00:48] Twas then that this venomous thing came between us

[00:00:53] When we had so much to delect and distract us

[00:00:58] Oh why did we cherish a perishing cactus

[00:01:04] At first she just felt sorry for this

[00:01:06] Horrid squalid lumpish parasite

[00:01:09] A rash compassion

[00:01:10] For her feelings got beyond her every day she grew still fonder

[00:01:12] Till this sickly tickly little squirt had got the household quashed

[00:01:19] Rent unpaid my tea not made my shirts my socks not washed

[00:01:26] My poor heart was bleeding from multiple fractures

[00:01:31] A dupe and a boob and a cuckold to a cactus

[00:01:35] She gave up her duties her food and her slumber

[00:01:40] For this potted hedgehog this son of a cucumber

[00:01:47] In spite of all her care her lavish

[00:01:49] Blandishments the creature still declined

[00:01:51] It pined for something

[00:01:52] It defied all kinds of fertiliser It began to fade away and die

[00:01:56] And only I knew why I recognised the state

[00:02:02] And it's a fact that what that cactus

[00:02:04] Lacked was a prickly little soul mate

[00:02:09] The feeling of grief's not confined to us only

[00:02:14] Like me this poor vegetable was just lonely

[00:02:19] For they need exactly those things which attract us

[00:02:24] So I went and bought him a little lady cactus

[00:02:31] We placed them spiky cheek to spiky

[00:02:33] Cheek upon our kitchen window sill

[00:02:35] And then withdrew We knew

[00:02:36] True love would run its course and

[00:02:38] We perforce had something similar to do

[00:02:40] And truth to tell well well within the hour

[00:02:45] My auntie's antisocial plant put out a happy cactus flower

[00:02:52] True love is in bloom now and everything's very nice

[00:02:58] No thorns in our fireside no spikes up our paradise

[00:03:03] My household is flourishing now and in fact I

[00:03:08] Have dozens of kids and a hundred little cacti