《The Cactus》歌词

[00:00:00] The Cactus - Jake Thackray

[00:00:06] When I and my new love my true love got married

[00:00:12] Our love our true love very nearly miscarried

[00:00:17] And one of the chief the contributory factors

[00:00:23] Was when my dear wife fell in love with a cactus

[00:00:29] On our wedding day

[00:00:30] My auntie Ivy gave us both a little pot

[00:00:33] A plastic what not

[00:00:34] Which contained a spiky cactus

[00:00:35] As a present it was tactless

[00:00:37] But my wife my life my golden girl

[00:00:39] She loved it from the start

[00:00:44] Though it was old and mouldy

[00:00:45] She took it to her very heart

[00:00:50] My snow white my aphrodite my pocket Venus

[00:00:56] Twas then that this venomous thing came between us

[00:01:00] When we had so much to delect and distract us

[00:01:06] Oh why did we cherish a perishing cactus

[00:01:12] At first she just felt sorry for this

[00:01:13] Horrid squalid lumpish parasite

[00:01:16] A rash compassion

[00:01:17] For her feelings got beyond her

[00:01:19] Every day she grew still fonder

[00:01:20] Till this sickly tickly little squirt

[00:01:23] Had got the household quashed

[00:01:26] Rent unpaid my tea not made

[00:01:28] My shirts my socks not washed

[00:01:33] My poor heart was bleeding from multiple fractures

[00:01:39] A dupe and a boob and a cuckold to a cactus

[00:01:43] She gave up her duties her food and her slumber

[00:01:48] For this potted hedgehog this son of a cucumber

[00:01:54] In spite of all her care her lavish

[00:01:56] Blandishments the creature still declined

[00:01:58] It pined for something

[00:01:59] It defied all kinds of fertiliser

[00:02:01] It began to fade away and die

[00:02:03] And only I knew why I recognised the state

[00:02:09] And it's a fact that what that cactus

[00:02:11] Lacked was a prickly little soul mate

[00:02:16] The feeling of grief's not confined to us only

[00:02:22] Like me this poor vegetable was just lonely

[00:02:26] For they need exactly those things which attract us

[00:02:32] So I went and bought him a little lady cactus

[00:02:38] We placed them spiky cheek to spiky

[00:02:39] Cheek upon our kitchen window sill

[00:02:42] And then withdrew We knew

[00:02:43] True love would run its course and

[00:02:45] We perforce had something similar to do

[00:02:47] And truth to tell well well within the hour

[00:02:52] My auntie's antisocial plant put out a happy cactus flower

[00:03:00] True love is in bloom now and everything's very nice

[00:03:06] No thorns in our fireside no spikes up our paradise

[00:03:10] My household is flourishing now and in fact I

[00:03:15] Have dozens of kids and a hundred little cacti