《String(The Final Rip Off Remix)》歌词

[00:02:19] Adrian Wapcaplet: Aah, come in, come in, Mr... Simpson. Aaah, welcome to

[00:02:19] Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver,

[00:02:19] Vendetta and Prang!

[00:02:19] Mr. Simpson: Thank you.

[00:02:19] Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet...

[00:02:19] Mr. Simpson: how'd'y'do.

[00:02:19] Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?

[00:02:19] S: No.

[00:02:19] W: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.

[00:02:19] S: String.

[00:02:19] W: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell *anything*.

[00:02:19] S: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two

[00:02:19] thousand *miles* of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I

[00:02:19] advertised it--

[00:02:19] W: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.

[00:02:19] S: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and

[00:02:19] twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very

[00:02:19] useful.

[00:02:19] W: Well, that's our selling point!

[00:02:19] "SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!"

[00:02:19] S: What?

[00:02:19] W: "THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR

[00:02:19] STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"

[00:02:19] S: For what?

[00:02:19] W: "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"

[00:02:19] S: Such as?

[00:02:19] W: Uhmm... Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh,

[00:02:19] destroying household pests...

[00:02:19] S: Destroying household pests?! How?

[00:02:19] W: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if

[00:02:19] they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!

[00:02:19] S: Well *surely*!...

[00:02:19] W: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED,

[00:02:19] RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR

[00:02:19] STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!"

[00:02:19] S: 'Ospitals!?!?!?!?

[00:02:19] W: Have you ever in a Hospital where they didn't have string?

[00:02:19] S: No, but it's only *string*!

[00:02:19] W: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's... it's waterproof!

[00:02:19] S: No it isn't!

[00:02:19] W: All right, it's water resistant then!

[00:02:19] S: It isn't!

[00:02:19] W: All right, it's water absorbent! It's... Super Absorbent String!

[00:02:19] "ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX

[00:02:19] STRINGETTES! AWAY WITH FLOODS!"

[00:02:19] S: You just said it was waterproof!

[00:02:19] W: "AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SIMPSON'S

[00:02:19] INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!"

[00:02:19] S: You're mad!

[00:02:19] W: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex sex, must get sex into it. Wait,

[00:02:19] I see a television commercial-

[00:02:19] There's this nude woman in a bath holding a bit of your string. That's

[00:02:19] great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion.

[00:02:19] There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor--that's too sexy. Put an

[00:02:19] archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we

[00:02:19] need children and animals.

[00:02:19] There's two kids admiring the string, and a dog admiring the archbishop

[00:02:19] who's blessing the string. Uhh... international flavor's missing... make the

[00:02:19] archbishop Greek Orthodox. Why not Archbishop Macarios? No, no, he's

[00:02:19] dead... nevermind, we'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper... So, there's

[00:02:19] this nude woman...