《钟点工》歌词
[00:00:00] 本字幕由天琴实验室独家AI技术生成
[00:00:04] 睡得腰生疼吃的直反胃
[00:00:07] 脑袋直迷糊
[00:00:08] 瞅啥啥不对追求了一辈子幸福追到手
[00:00:13] 明白了
[00:00:13] 幸福是什么
[00:00:15] 答
[00:00:15] 幸福就是遭罪
[00:00:19] 有人花钱吃喝
[00:00:21] 有人花钱点歌
[00:00:23] 有人花钱
[00:00:25] 有人花钱按摩
[00:00:28] 今儿我雇个好活
[00:00:30] 有人花钱雇我陪人儿唠嗑
[00:00:35] 哎呀
[00:00:36] 儿子说给我找个人儿九点钟到位
[00:00:39] 这地方拐弯抹角的这才找丁张惠妹啊
[00:00:51] 哎哟我这小声挺甜的
[00:00:54] 含糖量挺高啊
[00:00:55] 最起码四个加号
[00:00:59] 哎
[00:01:00] 我的妈呀
[00:01:01] 这小声音小老太太别墨迹叫大妹子就行叫妈在屋里就你一人啊
[00:01:13] 那屋还有小狗
[00:01:15] 那就是你啦啊
[00:01:17] 你儿子说了打我出门儿时候起倒计时
[00:01:21] 刚才路上堵会车
[00:01:23] 现在离一个钟头
[00:01:24] 还有15 分钟
[00:01:25] 抓紧时间啊
[00:01:27] 干啥呀
[00:01:29] 我们的宗旨就是主动热情
[00:01:31] 用我的真心换来你的笑容
[00:01:34] 赶紧的吧
[00:01:35] 我先把他拖了快点儿吧
[00:01:41] 那不行你你别你整明白你干啥呀
[00:01:44] 不行
[00:01:45] 你大妹子我心脏不好
[00:01:48] 腼腆型儿的吧
[00:01:53] 我先给你出两道幽默智力题儿一来呢测验一下你的智商
[00:01:58] 二来呢
[00:01:59] 缓和一下尴尬的气氛啊
[00:02:02] 挺好啊
[00:02:03] 可招笑儿了
[00:02:04] 哼
[00:02:06] 说要把大象装冰箱拢共分几步
[00:02:22] 第一步
[00:02:23] 把冰箱门打开第二步
[00:02:26] 把大象装进去
[00:02:28] 第三步
[00:02:29] 把冰箱门带上盐
[00:02:49] 你看我都笑成这样了
[00:02:51] 你咋不笑呢
[00:02:53] 笑啥呀
[00:02:54] 你嗯
[00:02:55] 没有幽默感哈
[00:02:58] 我在给你出道题儿
[00:03:00] 说动物园召开全体动物联欢大会哪个动物没有来
[00:03:07] 大象在冰箱里头蹦快笑死我了
[00:03:21] 累死我了
[00:03:22] 都别笑了行不行
[00:03:28] 杂弄明白我儿子是叫你来干什么来了你能不能告诉我完再叫陪你说说话
[00:03:36] 陪你聊聊天
[00:03:37] 陪你唠唠嗑啊
[00:03:42] 说啥呢
[00:03:44] 大妹子
[00:03:44] 我确实不明白你问明白你问啊
[00:03:47] 我告诉你
[00:03:48] 我们的工作往大了说叫加政府往小了说叫钟点工
[00:03:53] 在国外叫塞考累斯特翻译成中文是心理医生
[00:03:58] 啥也不懂走了伤自尊了
[00:04:06] 你说我这个人啊
[00:04:08] 整天自己一个人在家憋屈了
[00:04:11] 好容易找了个人儿
[00:04:12] 还让我给伤走了回来了
[00:04:14] 拿钱
[00:04:16] 你儿子说一钟头40 到一钟头了噢
[00:04:22] 给你50 拿零钱
[00:04:24] 我没领去哪领我没零钱就都给你了
[00:04:27] 大妹子
[00:04:27] 我多要你十块干啥拿领你走不开
[00:04:30] 我也没领呢
[00:04:32] 那你就再陪我唠十块钱儿的请坐
[00:04:43] 刚才我实在对不起你向你道歉
[00:04:47] 做了OK
[00:04:48] 抽烟不不会喝水呢
[00:04:50] 自卑吃水果反胃
[00:04:55] 干啥呢
[00:04:56] 干啥
[00:04:57] 你说的
[00:04:58] 唠呗
[00:04:59] 唠呗
[00:05:00] 反正十块钱儿的都是你消费这样吧
[00:05:07] 大妹子
[00:05:08] 我给你讲个小笑话
[00:05:10] 讲完了
[00:05:11] 打开一下尴尬局面
[00:05:14] 啊
[00:05:15] 这笑话老招笑了
[00:05:17] 我这半辈子就指这叫活着
[00:05:21] 说有一只老虎被蛇咬了一口老虎急了就想把这蛇踩死追呀
[00:05:30] 追追追
[00:05:31] 追到一个小河边
[00:05:32] 这蛇日钻水里去了
[00:05:35] 老虎就在荷叶上就这么等小样
[00:05:38] 我就不信你不出来
[00:05:40] 不一会儿
[00:05:41] 从里边钻出来一只王八老虎上去就把他按住了小样
[00:05:46] 你穿个马甲我就不认识你啦
[00:06:05] 啊没有啊
[00:06:05] 文文
[00:06:06] 我重讲啊
[00:06:07] 我讲错了哦
[00:06:09] 不对是一个王八钻水里去啦完事儿出来一条蛇老虎说的你把马甲脱了我照样认识你我我我给你讲个笑话
[00:06:30] 你老整个马甲配合我干啥玩意儿太伤自尊了大妹子
[00:06:39] 马江哥
[00:06:41] 你还我
[00:06:42] 你拿来我穿上行吗
[00:06:44] 干啥呀
[00:06:44] 你抢啥呀
[00:06:46] 你就讲这蛇钻水里去了
[00:06:49] 不一会儿
[00:06:49] 我穿个马甲就上来了
[00:06:57] 乐乐
[00:06:58] 呵呵
[00:07:00] 你这大哥呀
[00:07:02] 你这不挺懂幽默呢嘛
[00:07:04] 怎么你儿子总说你闷闷不乐呢
[00:07:07] 说实话大妹子原来呀
[00:07:10] 我在农村
[00:07:11] 我在农村的老头老太太啊
[00:07:14] 那哥们弟兄多呀
[00:07:16] 那我是焦点
[00:07:17] 那后来呢
[00:07:19] 儿子为了孝顺我她在城里挣点儿钱就把我接城里来了就一进城就全变了
[00:07:26] 也没人说话了
[00:07:27] 也没人唠嗑了大哥
[00:07:29] 你这情况我是太理解了
[00:07:32] 我把老年人分析的那是相当深刻啊
[00:07:36] 我给老年人大致分为三个类型儿
[00:07:39] 你说说
[00:07:41] 感情失落型内分泌失调型老年痴呆型
[00:07:46] 我属于哪种
[00:07:48] 这三种你都不属于你是属于屋里憋屈型儿的太贵了
[00:07:57] 谁都不是你说你没事儿你出去走走
[00:07:59] 下下棋
[00:08:00] 扭秧歌
[00:08:01] 别提了啊
[00:08:03] 有一天把我憋实在没招了
[00:08:05] 我就上大街溜一溜不大会儿看着广场有一口大烟子就把我眼馋着我稀里糊涂就跟着下场的
[00:08:13] 刚走两步过来撒老头儿要揍我为啥呢
[00:08:18] 说我跟着那老太太飞眼了
[00:08:20] 你说你也不认识人家老太太你跟任飞啥眼儿啊
[00:08:24] 不可能扭大秧歌
[00:08:26] 那上来劲儿
[00:08:27] 那我就做俩动作我就噔噔噔楞噔楞噔噔
[00:08:32] 这还不算飞眼儿
[00:08:34] 你眼睛再大点眼珠子都快飞出来了
[00:08:38] 你呀
[00:08:40] 你指定是瞅着
[00:08:41] 老太太长得漂亮了
[00:08:43] 可拉倒吧
[00:08:44] 她漂亮
[00:08:44] 我挨顿揍还值呢
[00:08:46] 漂亮呢
[00:08:47] 老太太长得比你还难看呢啊
[00:08:51] 不是我说她没有你难看你呀
[00:08:56] 比她难看老伤你自尊大哥你别说了
[00:09:04] 嗯
[00:09:05] 你到底是啥类型
[00:09:07] 我是100%看清楚啥类型
[00:09:09] 你绝对是属于那种没事儿找抽型说心里话
[00:09:18] 活到六十来岁了
[00:09:20] 我这一进程左右
[00:09:21] 邻居谁都不认识我
[00:09:23] 突然自己变哑巴了
[00:09:25] 不知道咋玩儿了
[00:09:26] 你就拉倒吧
[00:09:27] 你就搁家整个网上网呗多年不打鱼了哪有网啊多年了
[00:09:34] 我说的是电脑上网电网啊
[00:09:39] 电电脑上网
[00:09:42] 老板因太晚啦哈哈哈我明白了你说的是高科技因特网可以网上聊天
[00:09:49] A 型
[00:09:52] 但是呢
[00:09:52] 电脑钱贵呀
[00:09:54] 你这消费观念不行
[00:09:56] 你看我浑身上下都名牌儿啊
[00:10:01] 我这鞋阿迪达的裤子普希金的衣裳
[00:10:05] 克林顿的皮带叶利钦的小五儿
[00:10:11] 我的兜儿里头用的都是世界一流名牌化妆品
[00:10:17] 美国著名歌星麦当娜抹啥
[00:10:19] 我抹啥
[00:10:20] 麦当娜是谁啊
[00:10:22] 你不认识啊
[00:10:23] 她妹妹你指定属于谁的麦当劳我吃过名牌
[00:10:33] 我太羡慕你有钱有钱嗯我太羡慕你辣
[00:10:40] 今天咱俩没白接触吧
[00:10:42] 明天你就带我吧
[00:10:43] 干啥呀
[00:10:44] 我跟你走
[00:10:45] 我天天跟你出去打工
[00:10:47] 你不嫌我不挣钱
[00:10:49] 我就当娱乐行不
[00:10:50] 你是老板
[00:10:51] 我就是干你那活那人你这样我背个包
[00:10:54] 哎呀
[00:10:55] 你俩行
[00:10:56] 你看吧
[00:10:57] 指定行不就拿这杯子吗
[00:11:00] 现在我就是你
[00:11:01] 你就是我
[00:11:01] 你看我行不行
[00:11:05] 谁啊刘德华
[00:11:12] 就你呀
[00:11:13] 找人唠嗑啊
[00:11:15] 你要吃
[00:11:17] 有吃要喝有喝儿子孝顺媳妇没说还花钱雇人陪你唠嗑
[00:11:23] 我看你是没事吃饱撑着地形赶紧出去
[00:11:30] 不行不行
[00:11:31] 你这大哥你这不是啥道理都懂吗
[00:11:35] 你这么好的日子
[00:11:36] 你咋总不高兴
[00:11:39] 大妹子
[00:11:41] 我是明白了
[00:11:42] 哎
[00:11:43] 老年人哪
[00:11:46] 到老了得自找有乐得出去
[00:11:50] 今天我见到你我怎么说啊
[00:11:52] 咋的
[00:11:54] 感谢谢谢半年了
[00:11:57] 我没有这么高兴过
[00:12:00] 半年辣没说过这些话
[00:12:03] 真的谢谢
[00:12:07] 啥也不说
[00:12:09] 非常感谢
[00:12:15] 你大哥你你你抽烟吧
[00:12:19] 不不不喝水
[00:12:20] 你喝水吧
[00:12:22] 我不抽烟
[00:12:25] 我不做了那什么大妹子
[00:12:26] 你忙吧
[00:12:27] 我得回去啊
[00:12:31] 这是你家呀董事长
[00:12:36] 啊
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