《Intro》歌词

[00:00:00] Intro (Explicit) - Bo Burnham

[00:00:08] This is Bo Burnham

[00:00:12] He's 22 years old

[00:00:15] He's a male and he looks like the genetic product

[00:00:19] Of a giraffe having sex with Ellen Degeneres

[00:00:24] He has a gigantic head and tiny nipples

[00:00:29] He's isolated himself over the last five years in the pursuit of comedy

[00:00:35] And in doing so has lost touch with reality

[00:00:42] You're an asshole Bo You hear me

[00:00:48] You think you know better than me

[00:00:51] You think you know better than everybody

[00:00:55] You will die alone and you will deserve it

[00:01:01] But in the meantime you might as well tell those silly jokes of yours

[00:01:07] See if that helps

[00:01:21] You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny

[00:01:28] But now you're contraction-ally obligated

[00:01:31] So dance you f**king monkey

[00:01:35] Dance monkey dance

[00:01:37] Welcome to the show

[00:01:38] This is Bo this is his show

[00:01:40] And Bo likes to dance like this

[00:01:43] Welcome to the show this is Bo

[00:01:44] This is his show and Bo takes off his pants like this

[00:01:49] Play an invisible drum

[00:01:52] Play an invisible trumpet trumpet sound

[00:01:55] Drink some invisible water

[00:01:57] Oh sh*t That water's real

[00:02:01] Bo wants to make you feel comfortable

[00:02:04] Bo wants to make you feel comfortable

[00:02:07] Bo wants to make you feel comfortable

[00:02:10] So sit back relax and enjoy a healthy dose of

[00:02:13] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:16] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:19] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:22] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:25] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:28] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:31] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:34] Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:37] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:40] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:43] Prolonged eye contact Prolonged eye contact

[00:02:46] Lick your lips to make it more comforting

[00:02:48] Do you want to see a magic trick

[00:02:51] Do you want to see a magic trick

[00:02:54] Do you want to see a magic trick

[00:02:57] Then pick a card any card-Psyche

[00:03:01] Magic isn't real you idiot read a book

[00:03:04] Magic isn't real you idiot read a book

[00:03:07] Magic isn't real you idiot read a book

[00:03:10] Magic isn't real or is it

[00:03:16] And at that moment

[00:03:18] Bo's 20 year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder

[00:03:24] He never knew there could be so much magic in the world

[00:03:29] It's a world of possibilities Bo

[00:03:33] What do you want to do first Run

[00:03:36] Yeah sure you can run

[00:03:38] Fly Well yeah you can fly

[00:03:43] What What are you what the f**k are you do

[00:03:45] What the f**k are you doing

[00:03:47] Stop st-stop it

[00:03:49] What the f-you f**king idiot stop stop stop

[00:03:55] Anyways In the distance Bo saw a beautiful fairy

[00:04:00] A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud

[00:04:02] About being called one in high school

[00:04:05] He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard

[00:04:09] Bo knew he'd have to answer a riddle to get by

[00:04:13] The troll spoke thus:

[00:04:16] Alright for the last time man I'm not a troll I'm homeless

[00:04:19] Ok do you have any spare change

[00:04:23] Ok that's a used napkin I don't want that

[00:04:26] No no stop just you know what leave just leave please leave '

[00:04:32] And then as Bo arrived on the other side of the stage

[00:04:38] He saw a unicorn with five horns right in front of him

[00:04:42] And the pentacorn spoke thus:

[00:04:47] Hello Bo I've been looking for you for quite a long t-ugh '

[00:05:07] He was safe for now

[00:05:11] But the dark thoughts would soon return

[00:05:17] It's Godzilla

[00:05:42] It's so hard to be a lizard

[00:05:48] It's hard to be a lizard

[00:05:54] Tiny arms itchy gizzard

[00:06:00] It's hard to be a lizard

[00:06:08] But it's harder to segue

[00:06:10] Is he skiing or is he in a gay porn

[00:06:13] Is he skiing what or is he in a gay porn

[00:06:16] Is he skiing huh or is he in a gay porn

[00:06:19] Here's a hint he's in a gay porn

[00:06:22] Ok Bo this miming sh*t is getting pretty annoying

[00:06:26] So give them the real thing

[00:06:28] My voice is so f**king natural

[00:06:34] It's naturally good

[00:06:35] Naturally good

[00:06:38] Naturally good

[00:06:41] This is the end of the song and the beginning of the show

[00:06:45] Welcome to the show

[00:07:01] That lizard part was pretty f**king stupid

[00:07:06] We're recording part of the CD tonight and yeah

[00:07:09] Good to start off with eight minutes of mime jokes for the CD

[00:07:15] I want to start off with a joke for the fellas

[00:07:16] I don't feel like I connect with my men

[00:07:18] In the audience as well as

[00:07:19] I do with my prepubescent girls

[00:07:21] So where my fellas at Fellas

[00:07:24] Yo fellas don't you hate it when you're sucking a guy's dick

[00:07:28] And he ends up being a faggot Am I right

[00:07:31] These f**king faggots with their tasty dicks

[00:07:33] Alright if you'd like to leave during

[00:07:40] The show the exit signs are marked clearly in red

[00:07:43] Sort of a orangish/reddish/fiery red

[00:07:45] So we'll be f**ked if we need them

[00:07:46] But we can see them now

[00:07:55] This show is called 'what '

[00:07:56] And I hope there are some surprises geez

[00:07:59] I knocked the water over by accident

[00:08:01] He meant to knock the water over yeah yeah yeah

[00:08:03] But you all thought it was an accident

[00:08:06] But he meant to knock the water over yeah yeah yeah

[00:08:09] Art is lie nothing is real

[00:08:11] So it's called 'what ' and it's about hey cool it

[00:08:14] He meant to knock the water over yeah yeah yeah

[00:08:16] But you all thought it was an

[00:08:18] Just take it off repeat and it won't repeat

[00:08:21] This is the good thing

[00:08:22] We can edit all this in the actual CD recording

[00:08:24] He meant to play the track again yeah yeah yeah

[00:08:27] But you all thought it was an accident

[00:08:29] But he meant to play the water track again-gain-gain

[00:08:32] Art's still a lie nothing's still real

[00:08:34] What's the deal with segues

[00:08:36] Food jokes

[00:08:40] How you guys doing up in the nosebleeds up top

[00:08:44] Yes the nosebleeds where the coc*ine is done

[00:08:47] I had a hotdog for breakfast

[00:08:50] In Madison actually this morning

[00:08:53] And yeah afterwards I felt like this whoa whoa

[00:08:59] Because I couldn't control my stools Alright Jesus

[00:09:06] For the people listening I moved the stool around a lot

[00:09:12] This is gonna get difficult

[00:09:15] But I'm glad you like poop-based puns

[00:09:16] That'll be a majority of the show so

[00:09:21] Never waste a moment

[00:09:21] Every moment can become a comedy moment see

[00:09:25] Thank you so much I am